Sirius Reflections
by Ms. Stella Black
Summary: Sirius reflects on a piece of parchment. Seventh Year. Please R&R!
1. November 5, 1977

November 5, 1977

Dear you stupid piece of parchment:

Bloody heck, I feel like a little girl writing in her diary with this thing. Whatever, no one's going to read this lonely little letter to who-knows-what anyway.

I'm all alone right now. Well, Wormtail's snoring a couple beds down, but other than that, which really doesn't count anyway, I'm a lonesome little puppy.

The craziest thing happened this morning. Moony, Wormtail, Prongs and I were just minding our own business, stuffing our faces at the breakfast table, when Evans walks over to us, takes a deep breath, looks James straight in the eye and says, "Yes." He nearly spilt his milk all over me, sputtering like a mad man. She then blushed, yes, Lily Fiery Temper Evans, freakin' _blushed_ and walked away. Turns out James gave it one last shot and asked her to go to the next Hogsmeade trip yesterday afternoon before dinner, and she told him she would think about it. Don't know how he forgot to mention it to _me_ his best friend … He's been working towards this since he got that blasted "Head Boy" badge, along with that letter that told him who the Head Girl is – none other than his precious little angel Lily Evans. Don't know why he calls her that; what with her nearly setting him on fire with her anger after our end of term prank last year.

Geez, I remember when his asking her out was just a joke, back in fourth and fifth year. It wasn't until that summer before last when I broke out of that bloody house I was born in and came to live with him that he said to me, "You know, I think I've really hurt her," and then proceeded to tell me he actually kinda liked her. I was utterly shocked. "No way!" I remember yelling, nearly scaring the cat half out of its wits. I remember word for word what he said next: "Actually, I really like her. I think I could fall in love with her some day." I snorted, bursting into laughter until I saw how serious (no pun intended) his face was. "Man, you really do like her don't you?" I said faintly. He nodded and I asked him for how long. He just shrugged and told me he wasn't really sure.

After that though, she was the only chick he'd talk about. Moony was crushed when he found out. He did his best to hide it, and I don't think Prongs noticed anything. I think I'm the only one of us who noticed Moony had a crush on Evans through third, fourth, and fifth year. I remember teasing him about staring at her in Charms class, but he made me swear not to tell the others about it. I tried to get him to go for her when they were both made prefects, but he refused, saying he could "never truly be with anyone," because of his furry little problem, which I think is total nonsense. He got over her though, and I don't think Prongs realizes that he ever felt anything more than friendship for Evans.

Anyway, I'm lonely. Moony and Prongs are at their stupid Head-people-prefects' meeting. Stupid Head Boy Badge. Prongs is always keeping the bloody rules to impress Evans. We haven't pulled a prank on the entire school since September when we did our welcome back feast prank! I swear I'm going to make Prongs pull a prank with me next weekend. All I had to help me last week I when charmed all the Hufflepuff girls' hair to flash black and yellow was Wormatail, who kept trying to sneak off… Don't know why, always though he was a little weirdo.

Oh, hurray! I hear footsteps, and now my loneliness shall soon be over. I think I'll run to the door and pounce on whoever comes in. Tootles!

-Sirius


	2. January 5, 1978

_January 7, 1978_

_ I can't sleep. I hate these sleepless nights, when I'm thinking about so many things, and then I realize hours have gone by and I'm still not asleep. Then I try to sleep, but I'm thinking to hard about sleeping and I can't sleep then either._

_ Things are getting bad out there. I think it's so stupid that people won't call Voldemort by his name. I mean come on, it's not like it's taboo or something!_

_ I'm scared. Reg us hanging out with the Death eater wanna-bees –Avery, Crabbe, Snape, etc., As much as he annoys me, I love him. He's my little brother! OI miss him so much. I remember when I got by first toy broom and he chased me around the house trying to make me share it with him. If only our disputes were still so trivial. I tried to talk to him the other day, but he just blew me off… I really don't want him to end up dead._

The parchment is smeared by a couple of tears.

_Please, please God, don't let Regulus end up dead. _

Sirius looked up from the parchment, closing his eyes and letting the tears flow freely as he whimpered softly. After a moment, he heard the sound of Remus's voice whispering through the four-poster hangings.

"Pads, are you okay?" Sirius tried hastily to wipe away his years as Remus pulled back the hangings around his bed and sat down on the side of it. "It'll be okay," Remus said, handing him a piece of his treasured Honeyduke's Specialty Chocolate. Sirius took it, failing to stop his tears from falling as he nibbled on it. His friend gazed at him for a moment more before pulling him into a hug like his mum used to do before the full moon when he was little and would cry in fear of the night ahead. Moony held him until he sobbed himself out and feel asleep in his arms. Softly, he let go of Sirius and tucked him in. He smoothed out the parchment that had been crushed in the boy's fist and sighed as he read it before folding it neatly and placing it on the cluttered windowsill on one side of the bed. Remus gazed at his friend's face for a moment more, so peaceful in sleep, before getting up quietly and heading to his own four-poster, full of the thoughts that had been keeping Sirius awake himself.

**A/N: Hello there! Did you know I was gonna write another chapter? Well, I didn't! I ended up writing another one a week ago and this one night before last. This one's set before the other one (which is set (and was written on) April Fools' Day) so I posted it first. The next one will be a bit more cheerful too, and I plan to upload it within a month of two (: I have no idea if I'm going to write more, but all of these can be read as stand-alones or together. Hope you enjoyed, and please don't forget to Review! It may make me more motivated to write a fourth... =D**


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